IT"S AN HONOR JUST TO BE NOMINATED:
Well, well, -- the tip jar may be empty, but it seems I've finally won an award for my efforts here:




That's right -- it's the "Roy Blunt Inappropriate and Moronic French-Bashing Joke of the Day" Award -- given by Thomas M. Spencer, Assistant Professor of History at Northwest Missouri State University. He chastises:

"Isn't it astonishing how insensitive the pro-war crowd is to those who disagree with them? They pretend to understand the other side and then make jokes about millions of frenchmen being killed by natural disasters."

Sorry if I'm starting to get impatient with my lesser critics, but -- is there anyone else in the room who actually imagined that the language of the joke was intended to be interpreted literally?

Have you never heard of subtext, Assistant Professor Spencer? How about irony? Just deserts? Getting one's sweet comeuppance? Have you ever read a fable? Did you curse that insensitive Voltaire for wishing so much rotten luck upon Candide? And damn that Aesop for all the grief he visited upon those poor, cuddly little animals, too? It's fiction, babe. Deal with it.

And by the way -- what's with this "pro-war" crowd you're lumping me in with? If you're going to be so presumptuous as to pigeonhole a total stranger with a simplistic ideological label, I go by "pro-liberty," thank you very much.

But let me return the favor. I bestow upon you the Marshall McLuhan "You know nothing of my work...How you ever got to teach a course in anything is totally amazing" Award. And if you ask me nicely, I'll make a custom banner for your website, too.

Finally -- credit where credit is due. I blush to admit, at this late date, that I am not the actual author of the joke poll that has caused such consternation here. It was forwarded by my Mom -- depicted below -- who is obviously not part of anyone's monolithic "pro-war crowd," but nonetheless managed to find humor in the ironic punchline without spitting up hairballs all over the front porch.

Hi, Mom. Hope you're as proud of me as I am of you...



UPDATE I:
Rep. Roy Blunt (R-Mo) is credited with this one:
Q. Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris?
A. It's not known. It's never been tried.

UPDATE II: Jeff Jarvis has a lot more where that came from....

UPDATE III: Asst. Prof Spencer is still trying to find an appropriate label for me. Isn't it cute how all the self-important academic types can't address anyone's arguments until they've been pigeonholed with a one-size-fits-all ideological label? Guess again, Professor. I'm a registered Democrat, and I have also thoroughly lambasted "Herr Ashcroft" on this page when it has seemed appropriate to do so. But obviously you can't be bothered to look into my blog archives or do any research before you shoot off your mouth. Research? That's hardly what academia is all about, now, is it? No -- just paint everyone with a broad brush, jump to an easy conclusion, and say whatever pops into your head. At this rate you'll have tenure in no time flat!

Dish it out but can't take it, you say?
Bring it onnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!